Some developments last year. Shared by Rupesh Shah.
January
* Jyoti basu dies at 11.47 a.m., yet again almost making it to P.M.
* UPSC increases civil services intake from 580 to 965. Ouch. 385 more bureaucrats each year. A real Babulation Explosion.
* Kerala gets 3G services. Now they can call themselves "GGGod's own country".
February
* Kishenji announces his phone number: 9734695789. Now we don't need the army to fight him. ICICI will finish him off with new offers/schemes.
* Lok Sabha meets. Noise. Confusion. Lok Sabha adjourns. It's time we rename our parliament - the Joke Sabha.
March
* What's common to Iceland & Abhishek? Both are wondering what to do with ash.
* Sania Mirza announces that she's going to marry Shoaib Malik. Thank God, Sania doesn't have to do 7 pheras with Shoaib. She'll never get past the first round. Anagram of "Sania has a Malik" - "Asli aman ki asha".
April
* ND Tiwari may have to take DNA test. Ha. So far for him, a double-helix was just an interesting position in bed.
* Sachin Tendulkar's birthday today? Let's celebrate it as runmashtami. The good thing is that Sachin has turned 37. Which means, for the next 365 days,he will be in his prime.
* IPL-3 happens with much glitz, glamour & goris. Definite Punjab victory over Mumbai today. Mumbai may have the X-factor in Sachin. But Yuvi gives Punjab the XXL-factor.
* Matthew Hayden to change his name to Matthew_Hayden. After all he is a chronic under-scorer.
* If Vijay Mallya had his way, after the quarter-finals, IPL would have the half-finals & full-final.
* And the post-IPL party starts. Unfortunately, all the recent happenings only go to prove that an honest politician is the exception rather than Tharoor.
* If an aquarium can have water and a planetarium, planets, why can't a consortium have a consort?
* Lalit Modi possessed drugs as a teenager. What?! No way we'll let him run a cricket tournament. Let him go stand for parliament instead.
* BJP, RJD & BSP want JPC probe into IPL so that NCP will get caught & UPA will be in trouble.
May
* If India were a gym, Delhi would be the sauna, Chennai, the steam-room & Bangalore, the a/c reception. Mumbai will be the pool in 2 months.
* The IPL saga continues.
* I've heard of "suspension of disbelief", but LKModi's behavior suggests that he's experiencing "disbelief of suspension". LKM gets threats from the underworld. Looks like organized crime doesn't like competition.
* Kasab gets sentenced Like all sentences, Kasab's too ends in a full stop.
* If he's sentenced to death, Kasab will be 51st in the queue. "Capital" punishment just means your file is stuck in Delhi.
* Subhash Ghai was ahead of his times. He introduced 4G in 1989. A-G, oh-G, lo-G suno-G.
June
* FIFA World Cup provides a lot of kicks
* Hope Greece is not given a penalty. They'll say they have no money to pay it. I don't think Mexico will make any attempt at the Argentinian goal. A Mexican can't take a shot without salt and lemon. I think Italy should be allowed to have an extra player on the field. After all, Azzurri usually comprises 12 people.
* The feeling of having heard a damn irritating noise before - Deja Vu-vuzela
* On the offside, first there is God, then there is Ganguly. And then sometimes Argentina.
* If India had qualified for the World Cup, Chetan Bhagat would have been goalie & Mamata the forward. He can block, she can strike.
* Germany, Uruguay, Netherlands & Spain. So the big G.U.N.S. have made it to the semis.
* TN may free 500 convicts to mark Tamil conference. Why, may i know? Did classical Tamil have shorter sentences?
* Ahmedabad to celebrate World Blood Donation day. Hopefully, this time around, they'll keep it voluntary.
* Karunanidhi turns 87 today. He will henceforth be called Dravida Munnetra Kezhavan.
July
* Bopanna & Qureshi to play tennis match with Wagah border as the net. Thereby showing that there are faults on both sides.
* Petrol price increased again. An optimist will now look at his tank as half fuel.
* Just realized that M.S. Dhoni's wife will be called Ms. Dhoni.
* CWG fun begins
* Now i understand why the CWG mascot is called Shera. They want a Shera this, a Shera that, and a Shera everything that makes money.
* New HR rating scheme- 5: Exceeds Expectations, 4: Meets Expectations, 3: Average, 2: Needs Improvement, 1: Kalmadi.
* Suresh Kalmadi plans to give us the Common & the Games. The rest, he'll keep.
* The latest form of humour : Stand-up Kalmadi.
* So Amit Shah is behind the Sohrabuddin fake encounter uh? Makes sense. His name is, after all, an anagram of "a sham hit".
* If Sherlyn Chopra met Rakhi Sawant, would the CBI call it a fake encounter?
August
* Manmohan becomes third PM to hoist flag at Red Fort for 7th time. Sigh. So many hoisters, so few pearls.
* If life gives you lemons, be very happy. They're now Rs.100 per kg.
* I'd like to start a paper factory that supplies clean chits to the CBI. Big business potential.
* Congress to have elections to decide its President. Ha. That's like Robinson Crusoe conducting interviews to select his assistant.
* It's a great day for our planet. All the top places in Miss Universe are bagged by earthlings.
* Spot-fixing controversy hits Pakistan cricket Pakistan is the world champion in book cricket.
* There's actually a website that does nothing but spot-fixing. It's called Foursquare.
* I'm looking forward to Arnab on spot-fixing tonight. I bet that he'll interrupt his first guest on the third word of his second sentence.
September
* CWG action continues. Finally some positive news about the CWG - 5 athletes test positive for dope.
* 1.6 million meals to be served during CWG. Oh. No wonder they have created such a big mess.
* Delhi gets hit by Dengue.
* What Delhi needs is some Ram Sene folks. They won't let the mosquitoes breed till they get married.
* I propose that we make mosquitoes our national insect. Then the government will try to protect them and they'll become extinct.
* Kasab case drags on. Sentenced terrorists have a good time in India - They are footloose and phaansi free.
* UID launched. The first person gets an aadhar number. The second gets anaadhar number. And so on.
* I guess, in Jalandhar, people will soon be bidding lakhs of rupees for a premium UID number.
* Ayodhya verdict happens. Seems to be on the basis of Share-ya law. This Ayodhya issue is quite complex. Hindus want a temple, Muslims want a mosque, while Mayawati actually wants her statue.
* Off to Google Maps to mark Nungambakkam as Rameshjanmabhoomi so that there's no confusion in 5510AD.
* Raymonds wants to sponsor the Ayodhya verdict, because it turned out to be a 3-piece suit.
October
* Obama's goal seems to be to see as much of India and as little of Indians as possible.
* In TN, a million more TV sets will be distributed. Our whole country seems to be in an alms race.
* Advice to Arundhati Roy : if at first you don't secede, cry, cry, cry again.
* Mukesh Ambani is not the first to stay in Antilla. Centuries back, Valmiki used to hang out in one.
November
* Today is the day Krishna slays Narakusara, Rama returns to Ayodhya, Mahavira attains moksha, and Airtel makes a killing. Happy Diwali. The more the number of Diwali sweets in your house, the faster they get spoilt : burfi's law.
* Raja scam explodes
* A Raja is living proof that there is a pot of gold at the end of the spectrum. In India, scams have an alarming frequency. And now, with Raja, frequencies have an alarming scam.
* Dear Manmohan Singh, it would be apt if you could sack our telecom minister using radio language :
* Raja. Over and out.
* Manmohan Singh continues to do nothing about anything
* Manmohan Singh's First Law of Motion : Everybody stays in a state of rest unless acted upon by Soniaji.
* Manmohan Singh's Third Law of Motion : Every action has an equal and opposite inaction.
* One day there will be a movie made about Manmohan Singh. And the director will go, "Lights. Camera. Inaction."
* Manmohan Singh's personal integrity is unquestionable. Mostly because he never attends question hour.
* Yeddy allots land to his children
* My name is Yeddy. I'm a great father, a cool deddy. Politics has been bleddy, but be happy i am steddy. Cos else you'll be stuck with Reddy.
* The nation finds out that Radia : Government :: Sonia : Manmohan
* Q : How do you fit 1000 media people in a hotel?
* A : 998 in 499 double rooms. And Barkha & Sanghvi in the lobby.
* Why does phone-tapping make India a banana republic?
* Isn't tapioca republic better?
December
* Wikileaks threatens national security, or rather politicians' security What with wikileaks & payback, the governments of the world will now unite to face their common enemy - the public.
* TIME had a difficult choice for Person of the Year. Assange, who attacked governments' privacy. Or Zuckerberg, who went after people's.
* Sarkozy is a VIP Frenchie, right?
* To protect against hacking, DRDO instructs all government officials to change their password from sonia123.
* India has got an old, rich and glorious tradition in hacking. It started with Parashurama.
* MMS & team are busy blowing balloons for Sonia's birthday. They've told their staff that they're tackling inflation.
* Many bills were passed in the parliament session. Travel bills, food bills, etc.
* We should also screw China by issuing visas that are attached by mere gem-clips.
* Obama, Sarkozy, Jiabao & now Medvedev. If india can't get to the Security Council, at least the Security Council is coming to india.